Where Do I Go From Here?

 

In a past couple of postings I spoke in a general way about how I got to this point in my life being homeless and some of the things that prevent me from ending my homelessness.

               It took me many years to fall to the point where I became homeless and then many more years of falling both emotionally and physically after I became homeless. Once I hit my personal bottom I had already gone through much of the emotional turmoil, the despair, the anger, the fear that we all must go through on a journey such as mine.

               Most of the chronic homeless people I know never reach that emotional, physical and spiritual bottom because at some point they reach some sort of equilibrium where they don’t fall any further nor do they rise up out of their homelessness.

               Once I did reach my personal bottom I had nowhere else to go but up. Getting a job alone wouldn’t do it. Getting better living arrangements alone wouldn’t do it. Even an improving emotional or spiritual state alone wouldn’t do it. It has to be a mix of all of those things together, not just one or two, that will cause me rise up and leave my homelessness behind.

               Today I’ve realized that what I have now is infinitely better than what I had just last week or last year. I’ve had to have a long serious conversation with myself and my God. I have to do whatever it takes (legally) to improve my living situation. I have to do whatever it takes to return to the people and society I had been running away from or left behind. I have to avoid being trapped again into the sort of events that got me here in the first place and I have to avoid getting too close to the people who unknowingly enabled me to fall to this point.

               Setting goals is part of what it’s all about, as is actually meeting those goals. Many of the goals are short term ones that ultimately will lead me to the accomplishment of my long term goals. What are my long term goals? Getting out of this tent for starters. Being self-sufficient and not relying on others for all that I need for another. Finally, being able to stay that way and not fall into another emotional, physical and spiritual trap that will lead me back to where I was.

               It’s not going to be easy. It hasn’t been east getting to where I am now. There is still more work ahead of me. I have a plan and it is working…….