Creative meals

For some reason all the food banks have been pretty short on the donations this past month. Even between the three of us there will have to be some creative cooking to make it through the week. But for 2 or 3 days we will be doing OK.

Ben and Cindy, who have just arrived from San Francisco, don't care for the Texas heat. Even though they are both from Ft Worth, they have been away long enough that they miss California. At least the camp is shady all day and the creek is nearby to cool off in. Today though we are hanging out at the library keeping cool.

Benny and Cindy have been away from Texas for a couple of years so they want to go to "tramp day" on Lancaster Ave. Saturday to see some of their old friends. Most of the activity centers around Unity Park but there are a few other places nearby where different churches and other groups set up to give out meals, clothes and hygiene kits to the homeless people who show up. I don't normally go out there on Saturday mornings. In fact I have not gone in over a year. It's just too much of an effort dealing with the crowd sometimes.

Truthfully, I don't go out to Lancaster Ave. near the shelters much at all. Many times it's just too depressing out there and I don't really have any reason to be there. There are too many people I don't need to see anymore, too many temptations and just no good reason to be there.

Chapter 6 – Dealing with it

Many but not all homeless people out here go through the desperation phase. In fact most of the people you see in camps and around the shelters don’t. This is the way they live. The lying, cheating, stealing, alcohol, drugs and other criminal activity are simple the norm for them. For the bulk of them it’s all about the free ride. They can be given every opportunity to move up into a better situation and they will take it and ultimately turn it into something it is not. For example one person I know was placed into housing. He received an SSI check every month that he used to use mostly on alcohol. When he received housing he had to pay a nominal amount each month toward the rent and utilities while the balance was subsidized by HUD. While he may have moved out of the shelters or a camp he still kept on in his old ways and ultimately did not change anything except where he lived.

That sort of thing is typical and while most people do not have the opportunity to move out of their situation many do fail.

A few of us are working toward something better and don’t want to fall into the trap of just changing the scenery but not the situation. A few of us do work on our problems and because of the difficulty in seeing the difference between those of us who are working to fix ourselves and those who are just good actors, we tend to get lost in the shuffle.

Basically what I am trying to show is that the bulk of folks out on the street are not dealing with their real problems and are using the help and resources without showing any benefit. The few of us who really do need some of the same help and resources are lost in the crowd.

These last few years for me have shown me what’s really going on out there. I have been working on my own personal issues. I’ve made amends to many people I have wronged. I’ve change my lifestyle so that my old addictions are no longer in control. I do wish to get out of my camp and into an apartment. I do wish to go back doing some sort of meaningful work. It is a daily struggle to not fall back into the old ways because what I see around me with those who just take and take. It’s a struggle not to be like them again.

Desperation - part 2

Chapter 5 – Desperation part 2

Lets talk a little more about desperation. Some other names for it are despair, hopelessness, despondency, fear, worry and several others. All of which are unpleasant to say the least. Once again I will say “been there done that” and my situation is no different than many others out here on the street. The details are different and the way we / I handle desperation differs as well. I, as did many others, hid behind alcohol and drugs then by running away from all that we had. Other people just ran away. More still just accepted their position and addictions.

For most of us out here the easy way is the way we deal with the desperation. We don’t necessarily think about it we just look for the easy path to ignore whatever we are feeling. Alcohol and drugs are just a temporary solution that only brings back the problems at a later time. Many of the so called professional homeless have accepted the situation and don’t do anything about those feelings. In fact we will just ignore them and self-medicate as often as we can. We just maintain a level of comfort that will allow us to function as a homeless person. The lying, stealing and other symptoms are just to help us get what we want.

With some the desperation is not so obvious, maybe it’s the way we were raised, maybe their addictions keep the despair covered up. No matter who we are the problems are real and for most of us out here on the street seem insurmountable.

The Heat

Today was supposed to be a food bank day. It's just going to be too hot to even try this week. The food bank I would normally go to this week is just too far away so I will have to get creative with meals until next week.

With all that said, being on the street in this kind of heat can be a real challenge for most homeless folks.The shelters will be full of people staying in out of the heat as will the Day Resource Center. The various branches of the library will see some of the homeless show up too But not all the homeless people can or will go where it is cool and at some point even the people who are indoors will have to return back outside for a time.

Take me for example. Right now as I write this I am sitting in a branch library where it is comfortable but I will have to leave here when they close which will be at 6:00pm. It's a guarantee that the temperature then will still be in the 100's and I will have a 2 or 3 mile bike ride to camp. My only saving grace at camp is that I have a clean stream running nearby to cool off in. Even so, the temperature at camp will not cool off enough to sleep until sometime after midnight.

Yesterday I went through about a gallon of drinking water ( no not creek water ). I have to haul drinking water from a clean source about 1/2 mile away and at 7+ pounds per gallon you can imagine that I do not haul much water at any one time. Water is extremely important as you may imagine and keeping plenty on hand is a real chore.

About the only options in this kind of heat that people like me have are to find a cool spot, a shady spot if we are outdoors, plenty of water and lots of patience. Which brings to mind another problem when the heat gets like this. Peoples tempers get short. Many times behind alcohol but just the heat alone without alcohol can cause real issues among all of us who must be outdoors. There will be arguments and sometimes even fights. It will not be pretty.

Somehow many of us make it through the heat. Some will not do very well. There will be heat related physical problems. There will heat related anger issues. There will even be several people who will drink a few beers with unpleasant results. It's not fun but that's the way it is.